Monday, May 12, 2014

From Where I Stand...Mother's Day

Another Mother's Day has come and gone, and I've found myself reflecting some already this morning.  In many different places I read statuses and blogs calling for sensitivity for those who are childless but who don't want to be.  Or for those who've lost their mother.  Or those who maybe had a less than idea childhood therefore leaving Mother's Day a sad reminder.  I, personally, don't fall into one of those categories, only by the grace of God, so, being reminded of those who face different circumstances is needed for me.

Yet, I think back to Tuesday night, as I laid in our bed, the room dark, the house quiet, with Brandon next to I cried, I asked if we could just celebrate Mother's Day another time because "I'm just feeling like motherhood just isn't all it's cracked up to be."  Yes, I said that.  Yes, I feel that way sometimes.  There's never a day that goes by that I don't think about how much I love my children.  There's never a day that goes by that I'm not grateful God, in His grace, allowed me to be a mother.

But this morning, I wonder where is the outcry for sensitivity for those mothers whose dream of motherhood was lost in a diagnosis?  Or for the mom who's strapped to the home caring for a child who can't care for themselves, yet is old enough to do so?  Or the mom whose day is filled with tantrums, screaming, sensory overload, and erratic behavior?  Or the mom who is having to feed her child trough a GI tube each day?  Or the mom who has to fight tooth and nail for every little right that typical children don't have to fight for? Or the mom who's struggling with how to explain her child to the little league coach?  Or the mom who attends more IEP meetings than nights out with her husband?

 Or the mom who is just straight up is suffering in motherhood?  Sound awful?  I don't mean for it to, but, it's true.  There are moms who woke up yesterday in love with her children, but, thought, man, this is not what I signed up for.  There are moms who woke up yesterday, dragging because the weight of the responsibility is heavy.

The mom of a special needs child, that thinks her kid is crazy amazing with so much to offer a lost world, yet from time to time would love just a smidge of empathy.  Not sympathy.  We don't want you to feel sorry for us.  Or wonder how you can avoid being us.  This isn't our worst nightmare.  We just want you to recognize it's hard.    Raising special needs children IS harder than raising typical children.  I can say this because I'm doing both.

I write this for them.  Hoping maybe it shines a light, gives voice to, I don't know, maybe just lessens slightly the blow, knowing someone gets it.

The other night, that Brandon of mine whispered, "We're celebrating Mother's Day, not because of the way you feel about motherhood in this moment but, because we're honoring you, as a mother...and you're a great one."

Weary momma that suffered a great loss, the loss of expectation, I get you.

Head over and see what Steph's saying about Mother's Day...

1 comment:

Heather said...

Megan, your posts about motherhood are always so good. Yes, of course we should all be mindful of how motherhood is so often not what one envisioned. It makes me think of the mothers of the seriously mentally ill adults that I work with. For many years, mental illness, especially Schizophrenia, was thought to be the fault of bad mothering. Yes, thats what the textbooks taught doctors and therapists. They didn't know it was a medical illness, so they blamed the Mom. Still today, I have to educate people that this is not true. Some mentally ill people present many of the same challenges that your Nolan does. They are dependent long after average children/adults are expected to be, their behavior has to be explained to unknowing others who don't understand, people shun and shy away from their child because they don't understand the behavior, the professionals all have an opinion about their child's diagnosis, prognosis, and needs that is too often based on some textbook or insurance company or organizations standards and not the complex person struggle of the unique individual they are. These parents like you also worry about the future for their child, especially a future after they are gone. you have done such an amazing job making sure that Nolan is thought of fondly by your girls and I know absolutely that he will be loved and cared for by them forever. Many families are not this way and the siblings and often the parents resent the special needs person and abandon them. You see, you really are a great Mom exactly because you worry that you struggle, because you are forever concerned about your ability to do this tremendous job. Even in your hardest moments, you know where to look for strength and guidance. I'll pray for you today a bit of peace and confidence for yourself, and a lot of patience and understanding for those around you that don't see or appreciate how hard it is for a Mother everyday, not just on the greeting card's annual lovefest for motherhood. I hope you don't think it is too sad to remind you of the women for whom "mother's day" can be a sad reminder, but will help us all appreciate how remarkable all women are who struggle to do the right thing and be the right person that God intended. Keep the faith, Megan. You encourage me often with your devotion and openness.