Mutterings from one lady trying to navigate marriage, motherhood, and life raising a special needs child...seeking to show 3 amazing kids Jesus while failing each day, but reassured with grace and mercy I'm right where The Creator wants me...
I'm wrapping up the loose end of Nolan's Walk for Williams today. I'm overwhelmed with all the help and support we received for the event and I am so very thankful. We had over 200 people attend with over $4000 raised for the William Syndrome Association! Here are some highlights from the day:
Thank you to all of our sponsors!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was so neat seeing a sea of orange shirts all walking together to raise awareness for Williams syndrome!
The Chic-fil-a cow came!
Adelynne and her friend Rachel
Nolan kept very busy all day... We gave him the title of "Grand Marshall"
My dad, Nolan, my sister, and my mom
Sweet little Dallin
Susan, Tracy, Sarah, Kendal and Jordan
More sweet faces from the day...
Thanks again to all who participated, donated and prayed!
It's no secret my life is a fast paced, crazy hectic vortex of caring for 3 children. Being a stay-at-home mom is a blessing, and I wouldn't trade it. I've never had a moment in the last 6 1/2 years (yes, that's how long I've been at home) where I've regretted being home everyday with my kids. Now, that doesn't mean there haven't been moments of frustration and desperation where I think to myself, I've got to get a job or I might go crazy in this house with these kids....it's actually happened a few times:)Life with 3 kids at home, homeschooling a 6 year old, getting a preschooler to school 2 days a week, 3 rounds of therapy for the boy, keeping up with the things around the house, being Brandon's helper as he teaches during the day and runs our mowing business in the evening...it's exhausting, it's hard, and it's consuming. I know I get consumed by it. It's hard not to. Not only is it my life, but, it's my job, my responsibility...and it's my joy. Just because I don't get in my car and punch in and punch out somewhere doesn't mean I don't try as best as I can to be great at my job. And when I think about it like that, I'm reminded of the fact that I don't get to punch in and out. I'm always mom. Someone will always need something. Something will always needs to be done. There's no quitin' time. And, that's ok. When viewed like that, it can be a little more understandable that being a mom just really might be consuming.
At the same time, I need to be able to remove myself mentally from my job when given the opportunity and try more at relating to other people, their jobs, their lives, their work, etc. I realize I don't do a great job at that because I can't seem to separate myself from my family. While I should be putting God first, Brandon second, my kids third, it seems at times there isn't a ton of energy left for others. I need to be better at that. I'm going to work on it.
I'm blessed to be the wife to Brandon, the mother to Aubrey, Adelynne, and Nolan. Sometimes, although, I do feel as though Megan gets lost in the shuffle. It's no one's fault but my own. I've often said that while motherhood is one of the greatest experiences in life, it's also a life of never ending guilt. We always, as mothers seems to question each and every decision we make. Here's Megan's mind sometimes when it comes down to doing things for myself....
"I should go to the gym, but, I feel bad leaving."
"I desperately need a haircut, but, I feel guilty spending the money."
"I want to meet, (fill in the blank), for coffee (or dinner) but I feel bad leaving AND I feelguilty spending the money!"
I'm quite content being a mother for now, I feel God has called me to be their mother. I'm content. Sometimes I feel scattered, stretched, stressed and spent. Yet, I'm happy. I feel blessed. These thoughts aren't meant to sound like a pitty party for Megan. Matter fact, I hope this post conveys the opposite. I simply a busy mom, admitting that at times she's consumed in her hectic life, who needs to spend more time thinking of others.
This past weekend was the first Nolan's Walk for Williams here in Plainfield (if you would like to still donate, you can until June 1st, http://www.williams-syndrome.org/nolans-walk-williams) . Brandon and I have spent the last 3 months knee deep in the planning for this event. We had 119 registered, but we estimate over 200 showed up. The forecast showed rain for the day with thunderstorms. Not a drop hit the ground that day! Countless people approached us during and after the event about how nice it was to just relax with family and friends while being encouraged. The event was also featured in the Hendricks County Flyer, http://flyergroup.com/local/x377182983/Walk-brings-awareness-to-Williams-Syndrome, which helps raise awareness for Williams Syndrome even more. I think it's safe to say we've been on a high reveling in God's grace and His goodness since the event....a time to heal, a time to laugh, a time to dance, a time to mend, and a time to speak. We've often wondered what God's plan is for our family through Nolan, and I believe God wants us to be bold in loving and caring for other families, encouraging them, sharing in our weakness, because in our weakness His strength is so mighty. I've often wondered what it would be like to be on this journey without the Lord and I imagine a hopeless, joyless, desperation that won't go away. At the same time, doing the event for Brandon and I was a way for us to mend and to heal. We belong to another family...the Williams family. All the other moms I met on Saturday...there's an unspoken admiration and comradere. Each one of us knows how the other feels in every sense of being a mother....a time to heal, a time to laugh, a time to dance, a time to mend, and a time to speak.
We're given seasons here on this earth. I hate winter. I hate being cold, sickness, feeling trapped in the house, etc. Yet in that season, I love Christmas! And, after that season comes spring, where all things are restored from being cold, sad and frozen...things are reborn and new. Life is like that. We have periods of great rejoicing like this weekend, and we have periods of great sadness...a time to die, a time to weep, and a time to mourn. Yesterday, a baby named Corbin (you can read about him here, http://ofkidsandcows.blogspot.com/), went home to be with Jesus. Corbin, like Nolan, was born with Williams syndrome. However, Corbin was born with a far more fragile heart than Nolan's. This is a fact that comes with a weighty reality that Nolan could have very easily had a heart like Corbin's. Don't think I haven't thought in the last day why God would choose Nolan to stay here on the earth for now, and why He would choose to take Corbin home to be with Him. I've also been brought back to the reality that every summer we have Nolan's heart checked. With every check comes the possibility that Nolan's heart could be getting worse and could require open heart surgery.
We are not promised a life free of turmoil, matter fact the Bible says in John 16:33, "In this life you will have trouble." The verse doesn't end there either, "But take heart, I have overcome the world." When I enter a season of weeping and mourning, I have to remember that Jesus overcame sin AND DEATH when he rose again. This life will bring trouble, trials, sadness and grief, but at the same time, Jesus overcame all that...one day for those whose hope is in Him, we will be in heaven celebrating with baby Corbin.