Wednesday, December 9, 2009

So, my prayer last night was, "Lord, make the Williams syndrome go away." Is that terrible? Part of me thinks, He is the Almighty, and he could, so why not ask? On the other hand, I feel like a terrible mother asking the Lord to change Nolan...sweet precious Nolan. I can't help sometimes the sneaking insecurity that comes up when I think about the next few months, years, or when someone asks how old he is and we say, "seventeen months," and they say, "oh." I know they think he's younger than he is, and when they find out his age, I can see the wheels turning in their heads....Why isn't he walking? Why doesn't he talk more? Do I really care what someone else thinks? Not really, but, it's almost a reality check of what life is likely to be like with a child with special needs. When we're at home in our little bubble, I begin to drift back into denial. I suppose it's good to face reality, but it does present the moments of sadness and desperate prayers that the Lord will heal our boy. I don't feel that it's the Lords will for Nolan to live life without Williams syndrome. Sometimes in our weakness, we ask for what we want, knowing that the Lord will choose what's best, even if we don't understand it. What I do understand however, is my unconditional, crazy, teeth gritting love for this boy, and I know that's nothing compared to God's love for me.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I pray that every day, multiple times a day. Heal our sweet baby boy! None the less, I will not love him any less!
-Sarah

Wani said...

I ask the same thing for our Lil Joe. I have a whole packet of forms I'm supposed to be filling out for Joe's transition into the school system therapy. These things always depress me because it reminds me of all the things that he is not doing that he "should" be. Its so much easier when we just focus on the progress and not the milestones that are unmet.
But we are moms... of course we're going to ask for this challenge to be taken from our special boys. Even Jesus in the Garden asked God to "take this cup", but he followed it with "Your will be done" and that is what we should do as well. God knows our heart's desire and He wants to hear us express it to Him, even if the answer to our prayer is a gentle "no".

Megan Paschal said...

Lawanna, thank you so much for reminding me of that. I studied that passage about this time last year, and it was such an encouragement!

Megan Paschal said...

Lawanna, thank you so much for reminding me of that. I studied that passage about this time last year, and it was such an encouragement!

jennifer said...

I still ask that of my 10 year old daughter that has Down Syndrome