Wednesday, December 9, 2009
So, my prayer last night was, "Lord, make the Williams syndrome go away." Is that terrible? Part of me thinks, He is the Almighty, and he could, so why not ask? On the other hand, I feel like a terrible mother asking the Lord to change Nolan...sweet precious Nolan. I can't help sometimes the sneaking insecurity that comes up when I think about the next few months, years, or when someone asks how old he is and we say, "seventeen months," and they say, "oh." I know they think he's younger than he is, and when they find out his age, I can see the wheels turning in their heads....Why isn't he walking? Why doesn't he talk more? Do I really care what someone else thinks? Not really, but, it's almost a reality check of what life is likely to be like with a child with special needs. When we're at home in our little bubble, I begin to drift back into denial. I suppose it's good to face reality, but it does present the moments of sadness and desperate prayers that the Lord will heal our boy. I don't feel that it's the Lords will for Nolan to live life without Williams syndrome. Sometimes in our weakness, we ask for what we want, knowing that the Lord will choose what's best, even if we don't understand it. What I do understand however, is my unconditional, crazy, teeth gritting love for this boy, and I know that's nothing compared to God's love for me.