The difference in a year...

One year ago today was one of the hardest days of my life.  After speaking with countless doctors and signing lots of papers, I handed over my 14 month old precious little boy.  With the sickest feeling in my stomach and many tears flowing, I had to hold back sobs as he watched Brandon and I as they took him back to pre-op...smiling and waving...that's my boy, so sweet.  Knowing what was about to happen to him made me sick, but, I knew it had to be done.  For the first time in my life, I was too paralyzed by fear to pray.

Lord, please don't take our baby...
Lord, please don't take our baby...
Lord, please don't take our baby...

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness.  We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express."  Romans 8:26


Around 9:30 am the nurse came to let us know they had begun and that Nolan had charmed the room with his smiles and chatter.  Well, of course he did, he's the sweetest boy in the world....

About 2 and a half hours later, they came to tell us that his forehead had been removed and the plastic surgeon had it on a tray and was working with it, I'm sorry, can you say that again...

"For by him all things were created:  things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him."  Colossians 1:16


By the time it was all said and done, Nolan's craniosynostosis was corrected by a neuro surgeon removing his forehead, then the plastic surgeon took the forehead, cut it into 15 pieces, and reconnected those pieces with dis-solvable plates and screws.  They then reattached the forehead and closed him up.  From the time they took him to the time I was able to see him, it was 10 hours...

I lost it when I finally saw him, this trooper of a little boy had been through more trauma in his 14 months than I'd even come close to in my now 30 years.  A small part of me got angry, why such a tiny, sweet innocent little being?  The rest of me ached to take his pain and discomfort away and to spare him from any more.

The relief that finally came after knowing Nolan was ok, and after recovery was smooth, only then were we able to breathe.

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Jesus Christ." 
1 Thessalonians 5:16 & 17

While I hate thinking about that time, it's also good to reflect on how much he's conquered in the last year.  Pre-surgery Nolan was just beginning to crawl.  A year later, he's running, climbing on the kitchen table, he's a naughty little tornado that's learning more words and who is trying to communicate.  It's also good to reflect on God's provision.

"The Lord is full of compassion and mercy."  James 5:11

Not only did he keep Nolan safe, but, he gave Brandon and I peace and comfort.  He provided financially for the surgery.  He provided family to help.  He provided a wonderful nursing staff that took great care of us.  He provided 2 of the best doctors in the nation to take on this surgery.  In every step along the way, God provided.

"The Lord will do what he has promised." Isaiah 38:7

"This is how we know what love is:  Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.  And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers."  1 John 3:16

God loves Nolan, because he sent his only son to die for him.