Not all of you know this, but, I hated the high school me. I didn't feel that way then, but I feel that way now. The things I hated about "me" then were things that weren't intentional. I have these dreams, for especially my girls, that they are popular because they are freinds with everyone, not just the "cool" kids, but everyone, that their faith in Jesus is something that everyone just knows about and respects. That they wouldn't care if someone made fun of them for it. I hope that they don't strive to be the best at a sport, academics, or the arts, but rather serving others. That their desire would to be at home doing things with their family...like they do now. In the beginning of high school, I was what I would call a "closet Christian." I did what was right, but didn't want to talk about Jesus or my faith, or my activities at church. As high school went on, boys, sports, and being popular with the other popular girls was more important that being strong in faith...it's just like the Casting Crowns song, Slow Fade...I'd slowly faded from a "closet Christian" to a "Sunday Christian" to a "that's something I'll do later."
I wouldn't say that I regret high school, because I believe all of it was a path that led me back to Jesus a few years later, making that relationship far sweeter and more precious than the time before. I was more in awe and thankful for the sacrifice of Christ, that he could forgive me for my selfishness and turning my back on him before. However, I do look back and wish I could restore and repair the relationships I hurt while in high school.
God in all his grace allowed me to begin to do that this weekend. I attended the True Women's conference downtown this weekend and ran into an old friend from high school. We hugged briefly the first night and we bumped into each other again on Saturday and spent most of the afternoon catching up. Nothing from our younger years was discussed, but rather what's going on now, some struggles, hardships, and how God was working in our lives. I've known her since second grade, and there is always a soft spot in me for those I've known so long, even though things in high school weren't always roses for us, becuase of the person I was, the one I look back now and am ashamed of.
I love not only that God allowed a restoration for me once I surrendered to him several years ago, but also how in His time, he allows us to restore those relationships we tarnished in our times of selfishness.