Well, we all survived...

Aubrey is home from her first day of school. It was the longest 2 hours and 40 minutes of my life. Surprisingly enough, she was less than impressed. I heard that...
"Mrs. Dixon is nice and does look like Barbie."
"We learned about obeying."
"I didn't use my school supplies."
AND
"I'm starving." (Remind me to write an entire post on how this little girl has a hollow leg:)

Being a mother is a life full of guilt. I mean let's be honest, we question each and every decision we make concerning our kiddos...well, at least I do. I've yet to meet one mom who didn't look back on her child rearing years and question some things, or, maybe even wish they would have done a few things differently. It starts even when you're pregnant.
Should I be eating more things that are full of folic acid?
Should I eat less baked goods:)?
Epidural? or
No epidural?
Should I breastfeed?
What if I can't?
Then in the weeks of no sleep with a baby who cries endlessly, you become angry with yourself that you are so tired, frustrated, frazzled, when you really want to be soaking up each moment because they grow up so fast...because everyone reminds you of this. And don't get me started on discipline. Every day is a battle of,
am I being too hard on her?
Am I not consistent enough?
Is it really supposed to be this hard?
Or is there just something wrong with me?

Now that I'm a seasoned parent (ha! wink wink), I can look back at times and think...man, I really should have handled that differently. There have also been other times that I can look back and think...by God's grace, yep, I handled that like a pro.

I am a flawed person. I am a flawed wife, sister, daughter, friend and yes, even mother, but I do know that in those times of being unsure God's grace is sufficient. He knows our hearts; my heart, my intentions and my desires.

My desire is that at some point all 3 of my babes would come to have a saving relationship with the Lord, that they would make wise decisions based on the Bible, that they would be spared from all the worldly pitfalls, some of which I fell victim to when I was younger. That at no point in their life would they be faced with a tough choice, and choose wrong. That they would never feel disappointment or hurt.

Brandon and I have struggled with, for about a year now, whether to send Aubrey to school or to homeschool her. Not matter who you talk to, the people who send their kids to school have a list of why they feel it's best, and the same with people who homeschool. I'm not one who believes that by homeschooling you can shelter them from all things, but rather my intent was to spend more time character building and building a more sound Biblical base before sending her out. For a week, I would be confident in the homeschooling decision, and then the next week, I would say no, it's time for her to go to school. I've talked to so many people about it, and it really started to weigh on me. I'd prayed and prayed and prayed about it, with no real clear leading either way. Sometimes God doesn't give us the answer clear cut dropped from heaven (although I was hoping for that), but He does give us discernment to make wise decisions and a blessing of that decision once it's been made.

We signed Aubrey up for Kindergarten and thought we'd see where that avenue took us. Since making that decision, we've been pleasantly surprised by the blessings of reassurance of the decision we've made. Blessings that this guilt ridden momma needed...thank you Jesus.

Tomorrow is the big day, and, although I may still back out, ;) I'm confident this is the right decision for our family, for Aubrey. Is it the right decision for my mental well being, however?... probably not.:)

So, for now, I'm not going to let the guilt creep up, but rather, be confident in the job I'm doing as mommy only with the Lord's help. Because let's be honest, trying to do anything on our own is completely pointless.

I have the three greatest kids on the planet!

Bold statement I know, but really, I do.

Most moms would tell you that they feel the same as I do about her own children, but today, in this moment, I would have to tell someone they were wrong...no really, mine are the best...

The reality of change is hitting this momma pretty hard. My husband will be returning to a completely "nutso" schedule with school, mowing business and a little Lenscrafters sprinkled in. I'm sending my oldest off into the world of kindergarten. My middle will be gaining some independence with 4 hours of preschool a week. Suddenly, no one needs me anymore.

Off they go.

I've been a stay-at-home mom for almost 6 years know devoting my life to loving, cuddling, entertaining, teaching, loving, loving, loving, did I mention devoting...my entire life to these kids. Each day since the day Aubrey Lynne was born, Megan has been eating, sleeping (sometimes), breathing, & pooping motherhood. I confess that I haven't always savored those moments, and there have been times where Brandon has come home to a very (ahem) stressed out if you will mommy. (to put it lightly) There have been days where I've felt like a complete and utter failure, where I've said, "I can't do this anymore," when I've thought about going back to a job outside the home.

Back to my original thought, oh yeah, my kids...they're great...

Reality=my realizing these moments with them are short lived. I've lived this summer, as I was telling Brandon, "in the moment." I've sat and watched, observed, and marveled at these 3 blessings. Our house has been an utter disaster since Memorial Day, we've run out of underwear on a number of occasions...and I can tell you that I don't really care. I've stared at Aubrey for minutes recently just studying Aubrey's beautiful green/brown eyes and freckles and ask myself, when did this happen, her getting so big? I've dropped cutting up raw chicken to wash my hands so that I could follow Adelynne back to her room to praise her for the job she did making her bed. We've had more movie nights cuddled on the couch than I can count. I've laughed at Nolan's little teeder-toddling numerous times. I've thought many times this summer, man, these kids are so awesome.

Today as I sat in the girls room just watching, I marveled at how well these 3 love, adore and admire each other. Do they fight? Yes! Do they make me crazy with the bickering? Yes! Do I wish they would just let Nolan be and keep their hands off of him? Holy cow YES! But, I watched all 3 of them sitting on the floor having a tea party. Aubrey helped Nolan to hold his cup the right way. Adelynne showed him how to set it down on the saucer just so. He's quite boisterous and messes up their stuff a lot, but in this moment they were all patient and helpful. You can't imagine what it means to me to watch the girls lovingly teach that little boy.

And thus the thought...


I have the three greatest kids on the planet!

This one is for grandma

Autumn (2), Aubrey (5), Nolan (2), Blake (6), Adelyne (3)

Nolan's heart

There has not been much change in Nolan's heart conditions this past year!! Yay! That is a huge praise and one we are thanking God for today. Our doctor did tell us that she feels it's very likely Nolan will have to have a mitral valve replacement at some point as the mitral valve leaks and is narrow (stenosis). Her hope would be that he would be at least a teenager before that became necessary. So, for today, because we can't worry about tomorrow, we are releived and thankful. We thank you all for your prayers today and always.

Mommy Guilt

I've spent some time recently reading back over past blogs, and I was disappointed in myself for unintentionally not blogging more about Adelynne. There's really no good reason for it, it just seems as though she's the least "squeaky wheel" so to say in this family...currently...you know it changes often... Right now, Aubrey, the oldest, is just entering into a phase of exciting stuff (more blog worthy events I suppose)...playing T-ball, graduating from preschool, field trips at school, preparing for kindergarten, etc. I constantly find myself saying, "Sweetie, I know you want to do it too, but you're just not old enough yet. Aubrey didn't get to do this stuff when she was your age. When you get a little older, you can do it too." At the same time, the little brother has 3 visitors each week for his 3 rounds of therapy, he's a regular at doctors offices and we're always admiring his accomplishments. I quite often worry that my sweet little Adelynne will feel like the middle child. Of course, there are always downfalls to each position in the family...Aubrey is the guinea pig, we probably expect more out of her because she's the oldest, Nolan is the baby, he's the last to do everything, he's essentially got 3 girls who want to be his mom and coddle him daily...I mean, come on, we all have our "lot in life." But, I don't want anyone, myself mainly, to feel as though I overlook Adelynne. While I could take less of her daily whining, this little one is quite sweet..."Momma, I love you," I hear this often and unprompted. She wants to "help me" dress Nolan after his bath. She loves coloring pictures for friends and family. She can often be found curled up somewhere looking at books. She loves dressing up. She's the first one up EVERY morning, which can be annoying sometimes, but, other times, we get a good hour with just her sometimes before the others kiddos get up. She Demands to pray every meal and every bedtime...quite frankly, she monopolizes prayer time:) I love this little girl with every inch of me.

One benefit of having a teacher for a husband is that he is home a little more over the summer (the mowing business does keep him pretty busy). So, I took Adelynne to the Children's Museum today, just her, no Aubrey, no Nolan, no Daddy. We did what she wanted...when she wanted. I didn't have to chase after Nolan, I didn't have to make sure Aubrey stayed in the line of sight. I was able to follow Adelynne around, watch her play, respond willingly and genuinely to each of her, "Look Mommy"'s, "Watch this Mommy"'s, "Let's do this Mommy"'s. I sat and watched her pedal a tractor back and forth for 20 minutes without ever having to take my eyes off of her. I got to have my arm around her the entire time she ate her lunch. I got so many kisses and hugs today....and I loved it.

Contrary to my lack of blogs, I'm madly entertained by, and in love with Adelynne. She brings me much joy. I love having her around. I love that I'm her mommy. I loved our "date" today Adie, thanks for hangin' with me.

She loved the carousel.



Planting her garden.

Brandon and I would appreciate your prayers for Nolan's annual heart check on Thursday, July 15th. With Williams syndrome comes the likelihood of a heart condition called stenosis. This is the definition from the Williams Syndrome Association Website...

Heart and blood vessel problems

The majority of individuals with Williams syndrome have some type of heart or blood vessel problem. Typically, there is narrowing in the aorta (producing supravalvular aortic stenos is SVAS), or narrowing in the pulmonary arteries. There is a broad range in the degree of narrowing, ranging from trivial to severe (requiring surgical correction of the defect). Since there is an increased risk for development of blood vessel narrowing or high blood pressure over time, periodic monitoring of cardiac status is necessary.

He has 3 mild to medium conditions that we were told last year that if the condition stays the same, we are fine, however, if it worsens, we'll be looking at another surgery. Obviously, that is not what we want, so we ask for you prayers.

Also, Nolan will be having eye muscle repair, again, on July 29th. They will also be opening up his tear ducts as well.