Not all of you know this, but, I hated the high school me.  I didn't feel that way then, but I feel that way now.  The things I hated about "me" then were things that weren't intentional.  I have these dreams, for especially my girls, that they are popular because they are freinds with everyone, not just the "cool" kids, but everyone, that their faith in Jesus is something that everyone just knows about and respects.  That they wouldn't care if someone made fun of them for it.  I hope that they don't strive to be the best at a sport, academics, or the arts, but rather serving others.  That their desire would to be at home doing things with their family...like they do now.  In the beginning of high school, I was what I would call a "closet Christian."  I did what was right, but didn't want to talk about Jesus or my faith, or my activities at church.  As high school went on, boys, sports, and being popular with the other popular girls was more important that being strong in faith...it's just like the Casting Crowns song, Slow Fade...I'd slowly faded from a "closet Christian" to a "Sunday Christian" to a "that's something I'll do later."

I wouldn't say that I regret high school, because I believe all of it was a path that led me back to Jesus a few years later, making that relationship far sweeter and more precious than the time before.  I was more in awe and thankful for the sacrifice of Christ, that he could forgive me for my selfishness and turning my back on him before.  However, I do look back and wish I could restore and repair the relationships I hurt while in high school.

God in all his grace allowed me to begin to do that this weekend.  I attended the True Women's conference downtown this weekend and ran into an old friend from high school.  We hugged briefly the first night and we bumped into each other again on Saturday and spent most of the afternoon catching up.  Nothing from our younger years was discussed, but rather what's going on now, some struggles, hardships, and how God was working in our lives.  I've known her since second grade, and there is always a soft spot in me for those I've known so long, even though things in high school weren't always roses for us, becuase of the person I was, the one I look back now and am ashamed of.

I love not only that God allowed a restoration for me once I surrendered to him several years ago, but also how in His time, he allows us to restore those relationships we tarnished in our times of selfishness.

Labor day fun

 

We spent our labor day at Anderson's Orchard in Mooresville with  grandma Susan and papaw Scott.  We picked apples, picnicked, and fished until nap time...Nolan had had enough. On our way out, we stopped and got some apple cider slushies.   The weather was perfect and we all enjoyed the day.

 

It's Adelynne's turn

Little Miss Adelynne is always trying to keep up with big sis, and, this week she started preschool.  It's only 2 1/2 hours 2 times a week....just enough for her to get out and explore who Adelynne is, gain some independence, and form her own identity.  She was excited.

I really didn't think that leaving her would be hard, I've left Aubrey 3 years in a row now, and with the trauma of sending Aubrey to kindergarten, I thought I wouldn't bat an eye at leaving Adelynne.  As we walked her to school, I got really sad, knowing I was about to drop her off, and then take Aubrey to school...just me and Nolan.  It's almost like going from 100 to 0.  The reality of this becoming my reality is beginning to set in.  They grow up too fast.  Adelynne enjoyed her day and I was so glad to see her after.

The difference in a year...

One year ago today was one of the hardest days of my life.  After speaking with countless doctors and signing lots of papers, I handed over my 14 month old precious little boy.  With the sickest feeling in my stomach and many tears flowing, I had to hold back sobs as he watched Brandon and I as they took him back to pre-op...smiling and waving...that's my boy, so sweet.  Knowing what was about to happen to him made me sick, but, I knew it had to be done.  For the first time in my life, I was too paralyzed by fear to pray.

Lord, please don't take our baby...
Lord, please don't take our baby...
Lord, please don't take our baby...

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness.  We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express."  Romans 8:26


Around 9:30 am the nurse came to let us know they had begun and that Nolan had charmed the room with his smiles and chatter.  Well, of course he did, he's the sweetest boy in the world....

About 2 and a half hours later, they came to tell us that his forehead had been removed and the plastic surgeon had it on a tray and was working with it, I'm sorry, can you say that again...

"For by him all things were created:  things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him."  Colossians 1:16


By the time it was all said and done, Nolan's craniosynostosis was corrected by a neuro surgeon removing his forehead, then the plastic surgeon took the forehead, cut it into 15 pieces, and reconnected those pieces with dis-solvable plates and screws.  They then reattached the forehead and closed him up.  From the time they took him to the time I was able to see him, it was 10 hours...

I lost it when I finally saw him, this trooper of a little boy had been through more trauma in his 14 months than I'd even come close to in my now 30 years.  A small part of me got angry, why such a tiny, sweet innocent little being?  The rest of me ached to take his pain and discomfort away and to spare him from any more.

The relief that finally came after knowing Nolan was ok, and after recovery was smooth, only then were we able to breathe.

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Jesus Christ." 
1 Thessalonians 5:16 & 17

While I hate thinking about that time, it's also good to reflect on how much he's conquered in the last year.  Pre-surgery Nolan was just beginning to crawl.  A year later, he's running, climbing on the kitchen table, he's a naughty little tornado that's learning more words and who is trying to communicate.  It's also good to reflect on God's provision.

"The Lord is full of compassion and mercy."  James 5:11

Not only did he keep Nolan safe, but, he gave Brandon and I peace and comfort.  He provided financially for the surgery.  He provided family to help.  He provided a wonderful nursing staff that took great care of us.  He provided 2 of the best doctors in the nation to take on this surgery.  In every step along the way, God provided.

"The Lord will do what he has promised." Isaiah 38:7

"This is how we know what love is:  Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.  And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers."  1 John 3:16

God loves Nolan, because he sent his only son to die for him.

SHE'S BRILLIANT!!!!!!!!!!

I have to just take this moment, and brag about Adelynne.  She's 3, and the picture on the left she colored, and the one on the right, I colored.  Pretty amazing how well she stays in the lines and how detailed she is.  Way to go Adie!

Why he's perfect for me...

The other day...
me...
feeling sorry for myself about people having healthy children...
as unfit parents (arrests, loss of custody, questionable things happening in there home.)
Out of my mouth, "it's the forth child, different dads for most of them, but, yet, I'm sure this baby will be perfectly healthy."
Brandon says to me, "Can you imagine Nolan being placed in a family like that? Would his needs be met?  Would he be getting the care he's getting?"
I say, "Well, No... so, we're being rewarded for being good parents?"
He says, "Yes."

End of the conversation

He's good for me.  He doesn't lack where I do.  He makes me feel better with the simple truth.  He doesn't allow himself to feel sorry for us.  He's perfect for me.